Hills and Valleys
You know those movies that show you the ending for ten seconds, then rewind to the start while the character’s voice says off screen “How did we get here? Let’s start at the beginning.” Well this blog entry is like one of those movies.
In the month of May, I booked two commercials, wrote and directed a digital comedy short, composed music for a different comedy short, and made an appearance on my friend Knowte’s music video!
In the month of May I also, got fired from a day job, cut hours on a second day job, had five doctor’s appointments, and went through a breakup.
So let’s go back to the beginning. At the top of May, my calendar was crowded by three day jobs. It looked so overwhelming I picked up the phone and asked to reduce hours at my favorite of the three. I made that request just before getting a curt “you’re let go” email from a different day job. The third one was already about as part-time as one can be. I grabbed my eraser and reconfigured my calendar. Suddenly I went from 45 hours a week (plus auditions) to, about, oh, 6 hours a week. Yeah. Yeahhh let that pay cut sink in and bruise a little bit.
SONY
I wanna thank my therapist here, and say that I did not let it sink in so deeply as to start spiraling. Instead, I starting scrolling through the networking chats and groups I’ve accumulated the past six months. The director of Short Cuts was looking for a composer. Considering my abundant time and lack of cash flow, I shoved all my imposter syndrome in a closet and told this guy I’m the most qualified composer in the club. He sent over a DM with guidelines and I sat at my piano for the afternoon. While rapidly recording some keys (their screening was four days away), I got a text message from my manager. My manager only texts or calls if she’s trying not to implode. It simply said. “Check your email.” That’s when I booked a SONY MUSIC COMMERCIAL!!! “hooray!” I replied. “just sign the papers quickly” she responded. We have the funnest chats.
For some added spice, I got a call from the producer one hour later, telling me that the commercial shot in the next 24 hours, and that I needed to prepare music that showed the full range of the piano and made my fingers look like their flying, while looking as cool as Alicia Keys. Got it.
After screaming, laughing, and dancing around my living room for a full two seconds, I started practicing. So obviously this is extremely cool because it’s SONY MUSIC, but it’s also personally awesome in a quietly beautiful way. I don’t need to reiterate how I stopped playing music for a full year, didn’t even listen to music, for half a year, and effectively shoved my music career to the side. Despite all that, I had just been hired because someone out there thinks I’m a good enough pianist to play for SONY. And I’d be playing one of the most iconic piano’s in the nation. 24 hours later I was playing my music in the center of Power Station with a big camera circling around me.
Staring down shadows
Less than 24 hours after shooting for SONY, I was in a doctor’s office. The appointment was something I put off as long as the system would allow. Everyone’s afraid of something. Often those fears don’t make sense to another person. You’re afraid of clowns? But they’re so silly! It’s just makeup! ~ There’s nothing in the water, jump in and let’s go swimming! Your fears don’t have to make sense to anyone else. And it’s good they don’t, because we need clowns and lifeguards.
Regardless, I was shaken. And the high from playing at Power Station was followed by a tearful low from under the covers of my bed. That low echoed into the relationship I had at the time. What shook me, shook us, and rattled out all the little problems we’d been stuffing inside junk drawers. When all the junk was scattered on the floor, it made sense to breakup. In this case, what made sense didn’t make it easy. More doctor appointments would follow, some related, some not, occuring between the following stories. Each time, bringing me low, before the magic of movies would lift me back up again.
home
Then I went home. I sat on the train, romanticizing life, wallowing just a little, as we traveled northward crossing the waterways of Connecticut. Stopping only to pet my dog and grab the family car, I drove another couple hours north. There waited my brother and some unexplored hiking trails. In the morning I drove north yet again to the studio where I was filming ANOTHER COMMERCIAL!!! (Talk about the hills and valleys of life!)
I will briefly pause here to remind you that only five days have passed on this timeline.
I love this production team. It was my second commercial with them, for the same client, and I’d be ticking off a box on my “cool things actors do” list. I was getting to act with tennis balls! My scene partner was left up to the imagination!
Being on stage feels like home to me. That sense, coupled with actually being home in rural New England, put some ground back under my feet. The trees, the LL bean flannels, the XL Dunkin iced coffees, and the giant hydraulic robot arm carrying the RED camera - all signs I’ve found my way back to my roots.
Joking aside, it was helpful to get a reminder that while some parts of my life were messy, painful, confusing, other parts of it were joyful and easy.
Laugh with me
Little more than a month ago, I was recruited onto a sketch comedy team. I was so excited, I wrote a bunch of sketches and volunteered to film one of them. While in the holding room of the Sony commercial, I was contacting actors, DP’s and getting a preliminary schedule together. No, the work wasn’t ovewhelming. Compared to the full time day job schedule I was faced with at the beginning of the month, this work was like lighting in my veins. Between relationship struggles, I wrote. Between sleepless nights, I made shot lists. This is the stuff that keeps me connected to myself. Shoot day rolled around and then I was flying.
Why can’t these arts careers be a little more attainable, sustainable, and normalized? It’s all I want to do. It’s magic when you get to work with your first choice actors. They just get it. They understand the tone. They take notes with perception and subtlety. I watched my words come to life.
To be clear, this was a zero-budget production. These wonderful comedians were working on it because they believe in this as much as I do. With little crew, I learned a lot and made some sound mixing mistakes I won’t forget. Our show is on June 8th at The Players Theater, then the short will be posted online. If I’m asked to make it a recurring series I won’t say no ;) Anyone? More you say?
in between, have fun.
While all these things were going on, I still did not have what you could call a steady job. The goal is to act and make movies full time, (which for the month of May I did!) but I knew this month was a transitional period. With the last breaths of my exuberant free-time, I ran over to New Jersey to film a music video with a bunch of friends. When the DP’s gimbal broke, we started to salsa and bachata. At lunch, we ran over to the lake across the road. When the leads were in makeup, we quickly shot a new reel for one friend’s instagram series. There aren’t many sets this chill, and of course we were professional in our scenes, but if you have the opportunity to have fun - take it.